It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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