you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
