The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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