this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
