Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
