The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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