I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
wow bdsm is so cute
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
