just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
