also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
