If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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