I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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