Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
