i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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