Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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