The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
