winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
