you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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