We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
