Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
