I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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