I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
