Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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