as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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