You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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