Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
