theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
