Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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