In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
