we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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