If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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