Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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