Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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