so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
