And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
