Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
