It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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