hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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