I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
