Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just pee around me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
