I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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