Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
