maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
