using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
