I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
