when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
