the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
