Will you blow on my dice?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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