Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
