I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
