But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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