did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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