I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
